One Night in Red Hook

I met a local charter crew here in Red Hook yesterday. A captain/chef couple who live on a nice 40ft cat.... they will remain nameless. Turns out they are moored right next to where Audax is anchored. They said "If you hear loud music coming from our boat later, c'mon over". OK. So, last night, I was feeling social, Jordi was not, and John was in Charlotte Amalie with Erin. Sure enough, around 9pm I heard the loud music coming from their boat. I fired up the tender and headed over. They invited me aboard for drinks, music, and small talk. We listened to their Ipod shuffle, I had a nice cold Diet Dr.Pepper, and we chatted for about a half hour. You may be asking yourself "So what? Why is this noteworthy?".... Well, the two of them were completely nude the whole time.

So I split and headed into town to "Duffy's Love Shack", the local party spot. It was jumpin' with spring breakers. I ordered a Diet Coke, and commenced to people watching. A few minutes later, I was approached by a 30-something, very drunk, and very gay man. I don't mean happy gay. I mean gay gay. He got right up in my grille... "Oh my god... you're so hot... you're so cute.. etc.." He was well within my personal space and very touchy-feely. I backed off and very tactfully deflected his advances. He was very, very persistent. Each time I would fend him out of my personal space, he would creep back in. On about his fourth advance, he actually put his arm around me and went in for a kiss.... and I don't mean a peck on the cheek. "WHOA, BUDDY!! I'm straight! I'm flattered, but please back off!" etc etc. I physically manhandled him back out of my space, this time with much more conviction. I drew the imaginary Brady Bunch masking tape line between us. "Do not cross this line!", I said. A tear formed in his eye, he said "I hate you", and he stumbled off into the crowd. Sweet. I dinstinctly remember thinking to myself: "Holy shit... if he pulls that crap on the wrong dude in here, he's gonna get a smack. He's lucky I'm open minded and chill.... some drunk frat football type might not be so nice." As he staggered into the crowd, I saw him run the same schtick on a more macho, younger, fratty looking kinda dude. Uh-oh. He was fended off once, but the prey was PISSED, and had his posse in tow. Uh-oh. Drunk gay dude goes in for the kiss. Uh-oh. WHACK!! His prey punches him HARD in the side of the head. Uh-oh. Gay dude falls into some nearby college girls, saving him from hitting the deck. All hell breaks loose, bartenders and bouncers are swooping in and it's a mess. I'm outta here.

On to Fat Boy's across the street. They have a great free wi-fi connection, so I'll go check my email. I'm at the bar, showing this blog to a couple of very attractive local girls to my left, and to my right is a very drunk woman verbally accosting the bartender, making enough of a scene to throw off my mojo. (So much for the email, huh?) I disregard the crap to my right, and get back to the much better situation on my left. Then we all hear a "thud".... that distinct sack-of-potatoes kinda sound of a human body hitting the floor. We look... it's drunk woman. She's passed out drunk and is lying on the floor behind me. Uh-oh. I get off my stool and her boyfriend and I help her up. Bartender shuts her off and politely asks for her to be removed from the premises. The boyfriend helps her walk out..... "So, where were we, ladies?"... back to the blog. About ten minutes later, the boyfriend comes back in, with blood all over the front of his shirt. Drunk woman has fallen on the sidewalk outside, split her head open, and he needs an ambulance. Good Lord. Shortly thereafter, the blog fan girls' group of male friends arrives, assesses the situation (me), and quicky extracts them. They were not to return, although I did get a 45 minute explanation of Dianetics/Scientology from one of them shortly before leaving. I packed up and headed back out to S/V Audax at about 1:30am.

And that was my night in Red Hook.